Let's talk

 I was reading my blogs and noticed that I swear too much. It's like when a kid first hears a "bad word" and keeps repeating that. But, I will be changing the way I write. I initially started writing after reading the book "Catcher in the Rye". That was probably the book that I read completely from start to finish. For those of you who don't know me I am not a reader. Or I was not a reader. I didn't use to read a lot of books and still don't. I am slowly starting to listen to audio books and read books on kindle.  Honestly, having a kindle has helped me a little. I try to read few pages before I go to sleep. But, what I mean to say is I don't think my blogs have provided much value to anyone, and I should probably start writing more blogs that do provide value. Where you learn something. So I will try to do that now. I'll keep you updated. 

 I discovered that you don't really need to do something to have something to feel successful or feel like you've achieved something. We all have dreams and things that we want to do, we feel like we'll be happy once we do that or feel satisfied. But, we all know we won't. Why is it so hard for us to feel happy or satisfied with ourselves. Why do we feel like we need to do something. Like it can be anything from pursing our dreams (I have serious doubt even if they are real, feel like everything was just implanted upon us, but that's for some later time), or doing something, buying something and plenty of other stuff... you know what I mean.  It is very difficult for us to just be happy, and accept who we are or what we have done. I was feeling like I haven't done anything yet... yada yada. Should I be doing something.. does my work provide me my self respect, or value, or satisfaction? As much as I think it doesn't.. it is very hard for me to accept that.. ...

 Most of the people my age, wish they could be kids again. It's like people want to be young again because that's the only time they thought they were happy? Idk, maybe because I never really grew up lol, I don't see much of a difference expect now that I have to work. And... most of my friends are now adults.. or even better word "act like adults".  Once you grow up, there'll be things that kids can do, and other adults should do. It's all societal things. Like for eg, when a kid says the truth (even if it is mean) its cute but when I said something that was true I was being inconsiderate? Like wtf? It's as if we are forcing each other to "grow up" and then are miserable and everyone wants to be kids again. The whole thing doesn't make sense.  I wanted to go back to being kid so bad, but I realized how my childhood was so I would rather not lol. I mean it was good and all, but I couldn't do a lot of stuff which I can do now. If you k...

Yeah I used to be one of those people saying "Yeah! Fuck Society". I still say that time to time but I have changed my mind a little bit. Society is important. Love society. We wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for Society. So yeah society. Here's for the evolution that you helped happen.           (Source:  https://notablelife.com/media/2016/01/wine1.jpg) Oh sorry my bad. Not everyone drinks wine.  (Source: http://loniemae.blogspot.com/2011/04/milk-glass-mugs.html) I came to think of it any almost everyone hates each other. We all are a part of society. When someone says "Fuck Society!" they are also telling you "Fuck you!". I am pretty sure a lot of us feel like society is wrong and blah blah but not really. Not really. It's just you. Everything is about you and how you to choose to think. Society thinks that I am dumb. Yeah they are probably right. But it's ok being dumb sometimes. Society says that I shouldn't write dumb blogs...

 So I was browsing reddit and saw these compilations of dads being badass like saving their kids and shit. And now I am thinking if I am ready to be a dad and if I want kids. And heck yeah I do. But, Idk man for the next 4,5 I'll train to be a dad. I saw one video where this dude fought with a wolf. If I want to be a dad I should be able to fight these wolves. So, unless I become a greek god, now I can't have kids. But also it's cute to be a dad. I think. Kids are cute. Love kids. Man, I should stop watching these videos. Or I should watch them even more idk. The point is the real metric to know whether or not you're ready to be a dad if you can fight a wolf. 

I am so good with titles tbh I love myself.   But man, there's something about startups that I freaking love. It's the raw enthusiasm and energy, unexpectedness, success, failure, struggles... All of it. I want to experience that too. And at the end fucking build something that provides value for millions of people. How fucking cool would that be? The answer is a lot.  Anyways, I guess I have to put it in writing now because I've told myself millions of times (don't try to calculate please..mathematically its possible. I might be lying but its possible. 765158400 seconds have passed since I was born. and being the genius I am I actually started telling myself about this since I was born. So, actually its more than a million).  And see this happens. What exactly happened in the 3 rd paragraph. I get distracted. I fucking get distracted. I really need to stick to something. Gotta resolve this ADHD. Or best, get tested for ADHD lol. Anyways, the point is I've been ...

We've come too far, we've lost where we began What we think was our's , is not here but left beneath The spark we see, is just for a while The song we dance, and the lips that smile We don't don't know what we are Yet, carried by the wise The world doesn't need him Who left his voice We speak our footsteps In the bblind side We write without knowing what's written Just to write Think you're happy, Statisfaction or compermise? I know we can, but why are you afraid to try You left that voice, now it's lost You used to cry and fight for a single kite But why are you backing up , when you know the kite now is life? Do you wish to stay like this Adding fear to the years you pass How should i find, the lost Years of smokeI will win The day i find that child

  There's this new song that's going viral on tiktok. It's not a song actually, but sound.  https://www.tiktok.com/music/wasted-potential-6843245816673585921?lang=en It's this sound. I've always thought myself highly and I underestimate myself too badly. It's the weird combination. I believe I can do and achieve whatever I set my mind to, but at the same time don't think I am capable of achieving anything great. To be honest, I feel like I am afraid of loosing this self-confidence that "I can do whatever I want to" if I actually try. So, I don't try at all. Well, I try, see some progress, but I think I can't possibly achieve what I am trying to achieve so I quit.  I've noticed that pattern for too long and it sucks. To be honest, I intentionally try to sabotage? I don't know man. Gotta see a therapist.  (Written few months ago. I'm just going through my drafts and publishing them) 

 THE WORD SORRY NEEDS TO BE REMOVED FROM THE DICTIONARY. THATS IT. THAT'S THE BLOG.

Holy molly! I graduated. 🥳 I just ordered chipotle. There you go time for celebration. Honestly, I have been ordering chipotle in all major occasions, so why not this time too?   Now, I need to prepare for the interview. But, I will watch a movie on Netflix first. Then enjoy my Chipotle and then study. I will need to sleep on time. I will finish today I promise, all the DS and algorithms that I need to know. Then, tomorrow we'll look into leetcode questions.  I think I first need to be confident on the DS and the algorithms. Even if I can't solve complex leetcode questions, I can at least show them that I know my DS baby!  Anyways, hoping for the best.  Until Next Time  - Handsome Charming Man. 

 How does it feel to be happy?  What is exactly that you feel? Is happiness nothingness?  What even is Joy?  I know I used to be happy.  But I can't even remember anything anymore.  Was i happy or was unaware of the realities or the possibilities? I honestly don't want to sound like a sage lecturing you on reality or spirituality.  But what's the point I've heard there needs to be no point but why? I am honestly scared of the world we live in right now What the fuck am I supposed to do?  Graduate, earn money, have family friends. For what? How can all the joy i used to find in small things just suddenly disappear.  Now I should live my life trying to find that joy and then again it'll disappear or something else will come up  What's the fucking point of all these? Earth or god or whoever the fuck it is is just a sick fuck. Or evolution is just a sick fuck.  Why did you wire our brains the way it did. Or is the society just wrong...

 Ok guys, as soon as you finish reading this sentence please close your eyes if you are a kid, or identify as one. I am about to say something really bad.  FUCK! There I said it. FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK You can open your eyes now. Try not to read the lines above though. Wait, my bad lol. Now you can't read because I never told you to open your eyes.  ^* These are the types of jokes I have to resort to now? What the fuck? Where is my sense of humor. Anyways, my point still stands (Which is... you might ask) FUCK Thats the point. I've found the answer to everything or singularity or whatever the fuck it is. The answer if fuck. Try me.... ask me a question.  Let's start simple: What is 2*2?  Fuck that! Who cares. Yeah, that's the fucking answer. Why the fuck would you want to add two numbers. Don't fucking add anything. 4 will get sad once it knows that 4 was the answer because 2 was just fucking into 2. 2 didn't care about 4.  Also... 3+...

What do I want out of life. Let's try to answer this one. Right here, right now. I am not walking away unless I find something. Ok. What do I want? What would my ideal self be like.  The earliest memory that I have is me wanting to become an actor. I used to see actors sometimes as old people, young college kids, middle age people, and used to be very confused about their age. I wanted to be like them, always young? idk maybe have different experiences and not be tied to one thing. Now, I don't want to become an actor, I don't think I do. The closest thing to that would be becoming an YouTuber or Tiktoker. And acting is not the only reason why. I used to have fun making videos (I made maybe 5, or 6) but I had a lot of fun doing that. The whole process of coming up with stories, editing, filming and all those things were fun. I still want to be able to do that. But what do I make videos about? And why do I want to make videos? Maybe I want to feel loved? Idk, I haven't r...

 If this blog was a person, it would hate me so much lol. I always come here if I have something to rant about or just something which bothers me or something else lol. The blog would certainly be my therapist. Or... my therapist could read my blog to understand how I think because I write every single thing here. I mean  Not EveRY SiNgle . I have never written about the time when I shot this du .. oh wait...  If you are wondering where you are, you are in my blog. This is a safe place for me to rant about things. I don't know man. I am in love with supermarket flower song for a while. I've probably listened to it more than a billion times.  Now moving forward, let talk about (you guessed it) love. It seems to be a overarching theme of my blog. My blog should be letstalkloveandbitchaboutit.com It's actually available lol. I might take that domain before someone takes it. But, I don't think anyone will. No one thinks like me. I am the most uniquest unique individual w...

Oh I want to rant so much. So much. I feel like ranting is a part of my life. Ranting about things gives me so much of energy. I know it's supposed to be the opposite. But it's so empowering. All these posts on twitter that I saw today is pumping me again to rant. Oh feminists, (those crazy types) you guys, you guys I love you guys so much. I know you guys have a problem. I know we live in a patriarchal society, and this and that and how women have been oppressed and men are trash and yada yada yada. But, why do you guys hate men so fucking much. I mean, what's wrong? What's the problem here? All I see you guys (oops sorry girls) do is complain. One gentle woman was just blaming men for sexualizing nipples and that was the reason why she had to wear sacks "designed by men" (I knew she couldn't leave this part lol) to hide her breasts. As if men finding breasts sexual was not encoded in our DNA or genes or whatever the part of the brain. She was blaming us ...

Hi Don't expect me to write good. 

(I wrote this all the way back in high school. It was one of the first few slam poets that I wrote and performed lol. Don't judge me. Or judge me . I don't care. Actually, I do care. No, I don't... Ok while I have conversations with myself. Go ahead and read lol ) I do say lol a lot I wonder why lol.  Fuck! I look faint My hair seems rough, beards puzzled; face pale and eyes covered with pain Am I supposed to be this guy GoshI I have changed Am I just hiding the fact that I just turned lame? So, here's the story of the scars that still prevails I didn’t think it would end up like this Not leaving a single trace   I'm jinxed on As all I knew about her, was her name, and no. of her cell That no longer prevails But what I know and remember of her   is That I loved- I loved her- yes, I did It was a overseas relation, It worked We believed! Still the day I met her its bliss It was a sight love I regret I couldn’t yet touch her lips and kiss her cheeks How was she? She wa...

I know you read the title, that's right! Don't wear a mask in the midst of a pandemic. And I'll tell you why! Now, most of you might have heard how dangerous it is to wear a mask. Yeah, it does prevent us from getting sick and possibly decrease the spread of COVID, blah blah and might save our lives. But, we don't care about that. We care about how government is FORCING us to do things ,for our own good some might say, but don't you believe them. The government is trying to control us and that is one thing that we can't stand. We live in a "free" country. And NOBODY can take our constitutional rights from us. Other than that, SCIENCE says breathing in carbon dioxide is bad. Yeah well science also says that mask stops the spread but we should not fall for that.  But that's the not point, the point is NOT wearing a mask actually saves lives. As you can see from this highly scientific document that was created by greatest scientists of all times. Ther...

Wrote this on Feb 7 haha Hey, what's up you ugly piece of sweet. You're ugly but you're sweet so you can go ahead and read this blog. So, I just thought of something revolutionary. I really want to make my blogs like vlogs where instead of filming things, I'll write. Like in Real-time. So, I might or might not be at my work while my professor is assigning me to do certain things, and I might or might not have procrastinated. But, the important thing is I wanted to apologize for Thursdays Blogs. It's impossible for me to write on Thursdays, because I have classes on Friday. But, I don't have any classes on Saturday so I changed the schedule. So, now every Friday, wait for my blogs. I'll try to publish them at a certain time, so let me know when you want me to publish them. So, back to the blog. I don't like pickles, and have never tried Chick Fil A sandwich with pickles. But I am having them right now and I'll let you know if I like it or now....

Let's be honest. You guys are happy. I just published a blog. I felt like in this horrible situation, I should bring people joy and happiness. Btw, where is Santa when we need him? You wanna spread love, come over right now. We don't need you in December. And what the fuck god? You've got some serious issues. Who creates people just to make them suffer. You sadist fuck! It's crazy guys, we are living through a part of history. Now, I don't know if you remember, I always used to think about what cool stories can I tell my grandchildren. I think I finally found one. I'll let my Grandchildren know how we had to stay indoors for months and explain to them how precious Toilet papers and hand sanitizers used to be.  I am going to lecture them on how they don't understand the value of toilet papers, and how they are not grateful for having soap and hand sanitizers easily available to them.  Anyways, I really don't know what to write. It's crazy how I often ...

For the past two weeks, I haven't been really holding up to my promise of putting out a blog each Thursday. It's usually I have homework for maths due on Friday and I procrastinate until Thursday to do it. So, I usually end up doing my homework than writing a blog. Opssies. But, I thought why not write the blog today, so that it would not affect me even if I procrastinate. Although, not procrastinating is a better idea, here we are. So, what's up, wonderful creatures. Today, we are exploring our dark side. Together. I haven't actually thought about what I am going to write lol. I hope I can explore this dark side while I write. I feel like I am a normal kid. But that's even scary. Especially after watching Joker. What if I am like Joker. Trying to find good in all things and am trying to be a better person. But, what if  I change suddenly. Am I capable of killing someone? Shit no, that would... see that's scary. Damn. But when you think of it, what i...

I promised myself I will write a blog each thursday but this just shows my incompetency. I am too busy this week. A lot has been going on with classes and work. But, I promise I will do better next time. Let this blog be a reminder of that. Also, I'll post a blog about my take on feminism tomorrow. I could rant about feminists for 15 mins right now, but before I put something out I want to think critically and make a good post.

7 Minutes guys. We can do this. With my average typing speed of 92 words per minutes, I can type up to 7*92 words in this blog which means damn it. 7*92 = 644. Dang it. We still have 6 minutes, I'll try to write 6 things that pop into my mind fast so here we go 1) I am writing this fast because I don't want to disappoint someone who is waiting for my blogs. I don't know if they are literally waiting, but if you are here you go. [I wrote something else here but I decided to delete it] 2) I had my exams today, both of them went a little better than I expected but I am still not satisfied. Also, why do teachers take so long to grade the exams. I feel like they love making students suffer. Make them suffer before exam with anxiety and then make them wait for a whole fucking week to post grades. I can't rest until I know how my exam went. Just give me the goddamn scores. 3) I was just watching tiktoks instead of doing my homework. 4) The Redcap. Yes you. You are on m...

Ok here's two things about me you should never forget. 1) I love Deadpool 2) I love Noah Centineo (He's the guy in the picture below) Or at least I used to love him. I was so excited for "To All the Boys I've loved before Part 2". I had been waiting for it for a few months now like a stupid teenager (Yeah, that's how I convince myself I am not getting old). But, I am just into the first 6 minutes and I feel the cringe. Like really bad. A romantic love story. *Shine* Boy finds a girl. Girl Finds a Boy *Music* They fall in love. *Romantic Music* And now the.. ugh.... I can't even write about it. Everything about love feels so so so damn it. I wish I could write it. I don't even want to think of it. My stomach is filled with caterpillars right now. Now, before you judge me as a heartless person who hates the concept of love because he's never had someone love him, wait. Stop right there. That's true. You can judge me later on th...

Alright, what's up cool people and animals (woof woof). I have been listening to Night Changes by One Direction which is constantly reminding me that we are getting older baby, and I actually have been thinking about it lately. I will probably spend the next few years studying then would be worried about getting a job, and then I don't know man. It seems a lot to think about. I'll let future me take care of that. I'll just vibe for now.

Alright, guys and girls its finally time to read my next blog. So, fasten your seatbelts (if you are reading this on a car) and put your popcorn in the microwave. Its time to read the craziest story of all time. So, I kinda cheated this Thursday. I had a lot of homework and I forgot that I had to a blog to write. So, I posted something right at 11:59 pm but I promised to write another blog. So this is it. So, guys fasten .. oh wait you already did that. I was thinking a lot about what to write on the next blog. But, let me start this off by talking about someone I just met. She was my lift driver. Wow. I would've asked her to marry me if she was my age, and wasn't a pregnant woman who had 2 kids... and a little bit younger. First impressions . I was walking towards her car, and immediately noticed the Deadpool leather seats in her car. At that moment, I knew, she was a fun person. Anyone, who loves Deadpool can never be boring. People don't say, that person w...

What's up guys? Yup. Thats it. Thats the blog. Its almost 11:59 PM. I promised myself I would write one blog every Thursday. I need to keep this going. I will update this tomorrow. Leave a commont, if you want me to write on something. Bye . 

Alright, I may sound like my normal charming self, but I am not feeling well. I almost cried for a second there. And because I write whenever I get sad or if I need to get something out of my chest. Here you go: It'll never get any better . ( It will ) Now, I am not being pessimistic here or anything. I might be. But that's not the point. You know how people always say, have patience, things will get better. That's a lie. It won't. For a moment, I felt stupid because most of my blogs are about Love these days and I might look like an idiot, and I might be. I accept that. But, unlike me, I think you can clearly say when a person is not interested in you. Because I didn't see that. I thought I was not coming up with interesting conversations, so our messages were dry. I feel like girls sometimes don't even look at your messages. "Haha, Nice, Yeah, Got to go" are the default messages in their smartphones. And its sad, when you get these messages. ...

I promised myself that I will try and write a blog every Thursday, which I think is different than when I promised myself I will go to the gym, wake up early in the morning, get a perfect GPA, and a lot of other things I am not comfortable sharing with you guys. But, I hope it'll be different this time. Also, this title is clickbait. Learned from my master David Dobrik. I love him by the way. If I had to change my sexual preference for anyone, that would be him. (Editor: Now that I think of it, no it wouldn't be him) Because I didn't really think much before writing, here's what we'll do. I mean I'll do. You guys should just read it. What I am doing right now. What happened last week. My plans for this weekend. I feel so organized tbh. I feel like this is the most organized I've ever been. You should come look at my room. It's a mess. You should check my finances. It's a mess. Or you should go out on a date with me. I am a mess. Ok, let...