Say something I am giving up on you.

Alright, I may sound like my normal charming self, but I am not feeling well. I almost cried for a second there. And because I write whenever I get sad or if I need to get something out of my chest. Here you go: It'll never get any better. (It will)

Now, I am not being pessimistic here or anything. I might be. But that's not the point.

You know how people always say, have patience, things will get better. That's a lie. It won't. For a moment, I felt stupid because most of my blogs are about Love these days and I might look like an idiot, and I might be. I accept that.

But, unlike me, I think you can clearly say when a person is not interested in you. Because I didn't see that. I thought I was not coming up with interesting conversations, so our messages were dry. I feel like girls sometimes don't even look at your messages. "Haha, Nice, Yeah, Got to go" are the default messages in their smartphones. And its sad, when you get these messages. Especially if you had been waiting for hours just to get their texts. And Boom. There go your tears, which your lacrimal glands worked so hard to produce.

But... (Yes, there are a lot of Buts in this blog) I found this out by texting other people the same messages. And they replied more than Haha, Yeah, Nice. Sometimes, they replied back with enthusiasm, tried to keep the conversation going, and asked about me, came up with something to talk about.

Maybe it was my mistake to keep texting her when she clearly was not interested. Maybe she was just being nice. Maybe that is how she talks with every person. Or I was just irritating her.

I came to the conclusion that I was just boring(this may not be the right word, but that is what came to my mind. Sorry, I have a limited vocabulary). Because I think every person is capable of holding a conversation. And I thought maybe it'll get better. Maybe she is feeling low or has some other problems. Because I can't be selfish. People have a life apart from you. You are just a little portion of their lives. And I think people should recognize that and respect that. Wow, I love myself, I am imparting knowledge even when I am sad. But, if they really care about you. They would text you when they were not busy or would tell you that they miss talking to you because of how busy they've been.

This Situation reminded me of a friend who was really good. Would help me with anything, and we used to hang out a lot. But when he texted me on Facebook, I used to do the same. I would say "haha" even if nothing was funny, "Niceee" when I was busy talking with my other friends, and so on. I did this because he would keep on talking and I wanted to be nice, yet at the same time wanted the conversation to end. Sometimes, I would keep the conversation going, most of the time I didn't. He too got mad at me and I know he texted something. But, the sad thing is I didn't really care about how he felt. I feel really bad now. But at that time, I just thought he's like that. I didn't hate that friend but didn't consider him as close as he considered me. So, Maybe this is just Karma getting back at me.

Anyways, I feel stupid now because now I feel like my friend. And I think, maybe she feels like what I felt when I was talking to my friend. So, maybe it's time I just stop putting a lot of effort. I still want us to be friends, but if I am really trusting the universe, I should stop doing anything. But, at the same time, if I don't do anything, it's like giving up. And I don't want to give up on her. Just because of this stupid reason. There were so many challenges I was ready to face with her, whatever life threw at us, I promised myself, I would be there by her side. But, I don't have the strength to go through this alone. If she was there and wanted the same thing as I do. I would not be afraid of anything.  For me, she is like spinach to Popeye. She brings out the best in me.

But, we want different things. At least, that's the vibe I get when talking to her. So, I think it's time to move on. I might regret this later. But, I think it’s necessary to do what feels right. She clearly doesn’t feel the same and we are not getting together.  But sometimes out of clear imagination, I think what if she does like me. Well, virtual crush, who too likes me, say something I am giving up on you. It’s not my fault if I move on, that’s on you. You should’ve told me clearly what you felt.

The saddest part of this blog is the person I am writing this about wouldn't waste a single night thinking about it. She might waste a minute or two. Ok hours perhaps. And then would start hating me for being so immature. Wow, why I am so emotional. I feel like I am on my periods. (I said this because I saw a TikTok where a girl said that girls get too emotional during periods and there's a lot of mood swings) I feel exactly the same. As I was saying... she won't even care about this stuff. I am not saying she is bad or mean, she is the most wonderful person I've met so far. But, I feel stupid. I am overthinking too much when we are not even together. But, it's ok. We think about things that we care about. I care about her. And moving on is the best way to show my respect and leave her alone. I mean we would still be friends but.. you know I will stop expecting anything from her.

Maybe you learned something from me. And for my future kids reading this. Yup. I went through this phase too. I was sad because I was overthinking. Now you might not want to talk to me about it (anything you are going through) because you might think I will not understand. But I will.  I will not say it's a stupid thing and you should focus on studies. Even if you are 10 or 15. I will take you guys seriously. I care about you guys. Talk to me about it. We'll go through this shit together. Everyone overthinks about something in their life. Maybe I am overthinking about letting you guys hang out with certain friends (Which I might be :P), or anything. You know. But sometimes, when you feel really sad. You should talk to someone, and I'll be there for you.

You guys must be cringing so hard reading this blog lol. And, I was almost 23 at this time btw, still, I used to feel like this. Also, you'll never know if the same girl turned out to be your mom or not. Although you might have already guessed what happened because the universe and I have a rivalry  going on. But, That'll be the only secret I'll keep from you. Just for fun. You know?

Love
-Your Handsome Charming Dad.


Ok, I just realized how whiny I was. Sorry haha. But, you know sometimes its for the best not to push something. I don't think I was pushing it, but if you get the vibe that the other person you like is not that interested in talking to you at the moment, it's just that. Don't take it personally, there are thousands of different variables which can lead there. Also, some people can't just vibe together. You have to value yourself too, and it's not like developing an ego, but just if you're the one putting in too much effort then it's probably be that way for the foreseeable future. (It was )Where you'll be the only person putting efforts into that relationship. (Yup you were right again haha) And as I am from the future. It won't go well. Trust me. Also, don't take this "love" thing too seriously. There's no perfect person, don't have FOMO in stock market or in love. Just go with the flow. You'll meet the right person when it's time for you to meet the right person. I know this goes against "oh but if you don't put in the effort..blah blah" but you'll know. Trust me. When it's the right time to put effort, you'll know. And if that doesn't get reciprocated, just move on to another. Don't attach yourself with anyone until it gets too serious. Until you both feel like very ready and committed to be serious. Even then, sometimes things will fall apart and it's just life. But don't like get attached with anyone. Make love your nature. Be love so that whoever might come in your vicinity experiences that. Obviously there would be different variations to those, for eg like friends, gf, wife, family. But, just don't attach your love to a specific person. Be love , radiate love and kindness. 

I also love this reflection that I can have. I love that I can use different colors to see my change in thinking over time and then comment on that. I probably will have another color here or comment or something. I love this and am glad that I wrote this. Yeah I do sound whiny but who cares, it's me who felt this way for someone at certain point in time. It was not their fault. I just failed to see things clearly. And now I think to a certain degree I can. But there might be another comment in future here lol. Who knows? 


Note: Green letters are when I looked back at this after 30 mins. 
Note : Blue letters are when I read this after a long long time. 

Note: This is after a long long long time.