Skip to main content

Why

What do I want out of life. Let's try to answer this one. Right here, right now. I am not walking away unless I find something. Ok. What do I want? What would my ideal self be like. 

The earliest memory that I have is me wanting to become an actor. I used to see actors sometimes as old people, young college kids, middle age people, and used to be very confused about their age. I wanted to be like them, always young? idk maybe have different experiences and not be tied to one thing. Now, I don't want to become an actor, I don't think I do. The closest thing to that would be becoming an YouTuber or Tiktoker. And acting is not the only reason why. I used to have fun making videos (I made maybe 5, or 6) but I had a lot of fun doing that. The whole process of coming up with stories, editing, filming and all those things were fun. I still want to be able to do that. But what do I make videos about? And why do I want to make videos? Maybe I want to feel loved? Idk, I haven't really felt loved lately. 

I think about the end goal. Ok, I did become like a huge youtuber or something like that. Now, what? Idk why I am thinking about that but doing anything what's the purpose. Maybe I will find something once I pursue it or whatever job or anything. But this whole spirituality stuff is confusing. I mean I think I am still happy about the videos that me and my brother made together. I still watch it sometimes and however cringy it might be I still love them. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Type away!!

Popular posts from this blog

Moving on

There is a common misconception that you need to move on once you break up. But, I am here to say "No you don't". You don't need to move on. It's not mandatory. It may be bad for your mental health, you may spend hours staring at the ceiling thinking about them, your fingers may get tired stalking them over the internet, who knows you may sneak into their room once or twice to remind yourself of how they used to smell. People go to the extent of kidnapping other's wife and we all know what caused the death of Rawana ( Ramayana ) or the  Trojan war . At least, you will not be responsible for anything like that. What you have ... is a healthy obsession. The only person who'll get hurt out of this is YOU. If you ask me, I decided to move on. I know it's hard for me to find someone like her after I have been emotionally attached to her for so long. How can things end so quickly? Where did all the dreams we had suddenly disappear? What about all t...
4 comments
Read more

Love these keyboards

The main objective of this post is to check these new keyboards from Lofree that i got. Love them! It sounds very creamy, that I want to just yk savor the sound.  The backspace key in particular sounds very nice and also its fun to type.  These days have been pretty chill, changed my decision again I might very well need to move to Canada. Not my first choice but better than staying here and studing + working at the same time. Mostly because I want to travel back home as well. And yk for the aspect of certainity in life as well. If I go to Canada at least I'll have my PR process started there and by the time I come back to US I will have something to fall back on.  Still have one more shot so hope I get that. I don't really ask god that much very few things, last year I wasn't that serious but when things are starting to get real you realize the importance of things. Already starting to miss Seattle a little. I am very very hopeful and feel like I will get it but yk have ...
1 comment
Read more

Few promises

Ok, so I’m in Ohio now.  I’ve been hanging out with a lot of married people these days. You know you’ve started to become an adult when the parties end at 8:00 because the kids have school tomorrow morning and you have work to wake up to.  Usually, we used to start partying at 8, and here we end partying at 8:00.  I’ve noticed that a lot of married couple are tired of each other?! Like why are they not at the party with each other. Usually there’s a gang of ladies and then of guys each of them wishing that they had more time to themselves and complain about each other. They call you lucky that you don’t have kids and stuff like that yk.  So, here’s a quick promises to myself. If I get married. Honestly, I don’t think I will be in a relationship ever again for a long time. But let’s say magically.. I find miss perfect and let’s say I get married.  1. I will never ever ever ever not make time for my significant other.  2. There won’t be a single day I forget ...
6 comments
Read more