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Ok hear me out.

Thanks to my ADHD I hadn't completed what I started writing in one of my blogs. I thought I was just rambling lol. Its crazy how writing lets you see for yourself the thoughts you were having. It's like leaving small pieces of "you" in the internet. My past self doesn't exist anywhere else but here, through these words. Me, in those exact seconds, exists in these words which is so fucking cool to think about. 

Anyways, I have recently had this thought and feel like I finally understand this concept of "reincarnation". Don't know if its true but, I was watching this video by the school of thought "Who are you" There the video came to the conclusion that you are your values, your core thoughts that never change. Because we are not our bodies. We are not the brain tissues or the neural connections. We are functioning due to chemical reactions happening throughout our bodies which is the same thing that's going on in 7 Billion people. There is nothing unique about that. 

The way your dna replicates, the genes pass, the way your body digests food, gets energy and all that stuff. It's the same thing in almost everyone. So, what makes you, you? Your thoughts. Or you could say your DNA. But thoughts change too. Values change too. Nothing ever not change. It's only because we have this identity of self, and attach everything we experience to it. What if you wake up next day and completely forget everything in life. Are you still, you? Are you now a different person? It's crazy to think about that. 

The closest I came to be was, I really don't exist. There is no I that I should be attaching all the life experiences too. Those were just events that happened at a particular time. Whether it be good or bad, I was not the one there. Like present me. My body might have been there, might have experienced certain feelings, but I am not. The only reason why we think we were there is because we are carrying this bag of memory and just taking it with us. Having memories is fine I guess, its fun. But, attaching those to your self doesn't really make sense. 

As I think about this, I too have trouble comprehending what I am trying to say. I recently broke up, so is this my way of moving on by suddenly being spiritual and stuff. But, I think I have moved on already. I don't feel sad or anything. But, in my mind, because of my first breakup, I used to think that moving on would be so fucking hard, but suddenly after watching that video and having these realizations I find it so easy to move on. 

Like fuck, why was I feeling so worried about everything. Why did I associate the feeling of not being loved and just carried it with me, when I fucking don't even exist. I am not my thoughts, I am not my previous actions, I am not my body. It's just thoughts that are floating around in brains. Why was I worried about something that's not even there. 

It's just we associate certain actions to a certain feeling that happens to be "love". And why do I want to be loved? What is there to love about me? Like how do you love thoughts? But thoughts create actions too right, it creates this character. But, we are constantly changing. The character is constantly changing. The world sees this character, and responds to it with characters created by other pair of thoughts. They interact with one another. Thats life? I guess. 

When someone hurts us, we take it personal. But there is no person to exist, you are your thoughts, constantly evolving in time and space. Why do we carry this emotional baggage with us then? Why attach everything that has happened to this one character, when hundreds of new characters are formed by us every day. You are not the same person you were 2,3 days ago. But, now there's a question of accountability. Hmmm.. thoughts on this ?


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