hyper-reality

Summary:

1. We will never know about others in entirety so it's helpful to be mindful about that.  

2. Shoutout to awesome people. 

Ok, I might be onto something. Just this thought came to my mind, I haven't thought it out well so let's think together. 

So, you know how our parents want the best for us? And also, how they were kids just like us? struggling to make sense of the world, and all those emotions related to self worth, finding your place in the world, finding peace and all those stuff? I think they maybe found it by doing a particular thing? like right now I am happy because I have started to take care of myself, have started to become more intentional and go to the gym and stuff. That's only way I know till now to you know feel good or you know find peace? So, like us, they sometime during their life found peace by thinking a certain way and doing certain things. Now the activity they sometimes force on you, might be the same thing that helped them or maybe saw others become happy, or you know all that..

So, maybe that's why they got mad for certain things that we did, or did not do. And I am saying this not just because to make sense of what happened, but also what can happen. We might have kids somedays or even our romantic partners or people we care about. We shouldn't be expecting them to do the same thing that we did to find happiness or you know whatever it is. Or for them to act a certain way in certain situations, or communicate in a certain way. 

Also, when you are interacting with other person, you just see a part of them. A part which is highly filtered, you could actually say even people we interact with are hyper-real (this simulacra, simulacrum thing comes here too). Because we only see what they choose to show, we only know what they let us know. Even though, you might fully understand a person once you spend a long long time with them. You kinda get an idea of who they are, and even then, you don't really know why they act a certain way, why they think the way they think and stuff like that. We have to understand that you are not only interacting with the person that is now, but with all their past, with all their trauma? with all their insecurities and their accomplishments. So, tread with caution, don't assume things, don't be dismissive and be careful. Even though it was not my intention, I have sometimes come across as being dismissive and I understand this now. We live and we learn, and I urge you to think about it as well. Especially, when it's difficult to do so, especially when you, yourself are full of anger or what not.. because the bond that you have with the other person matters more than anything. You need to not think too much about yourself and vice versa.  And by this, I don't mean don't think about your needs, that matters too, but you know, I am saying in this context. 

I know when time comes, I sometimes will not be able to think this way in that point, I don't think anyone without much practice can. We give high priorities to feelings, but feelings aren't the sole indicator of what you want. If I listen to how I feel, I honestly want to sleep all day lol, but you know .. don't fully trust you feelings. You need to be the one in charge. About the way you feel and want to feel. 

Anyways, that was it .. me just typing. I am continuing to understand and be more mindful about these things. I was thinking ... even if I was with a version of me, like a clone and I know everything about them, sometimes I would just be angry at them and I would lash out on the version of me lol, but it's ok man. Not everything needs to be perfect, and just the fact that relationships get heated at some moment doesn't mean it's toxic or bad or you know stuff like that, it's normal. I wish more people understood that. You don't always feel 100%, you don't always feel butterflies and there will be moments when it'll be tough for you. There'll be moments when you feel like the one being toxic, and likewise there will be moments when the other one is being so. What you feel and act like when you are not feeling the best, and there are circumstances outside your control doesn't define who you are. 

I think that is it.. 

Also, these two messages made me very happy. 

So, this one was sent by my brother's friend. I am happy that she found me (or the blog which I wrote) funny.  Guys, I am funny ok? But again, that's hyper-reality guys ... Me being funny is which made her "a fan", but it's tough. It's as dark as it's bright here.

But saying that I was cute hurt me a little. Because I want to be hot ... I want to be hot handsome charming greek god. and greek gods aren't cute. they're hot. I also watched spartans yesterday and holy fuck. Those men .. they are the greek gods that I want to become. Not just because of the body but I want to be able to live healthily for a long time and fight and chop people's head off if necessary lol. 

Although I try not to either be happy or sad based on people's reaction this made me happy for some reason. This one was sent by my friend. Especial shoutout to her. She's the best, like she's been like this silent angel watching over me, and the day I had emotional breakdown and posted this long ass post (which I later deleted) she checked in on me and that made me feel good. She's also suggested me CBT practices, therapy and just you know a lot more. So, very very grateful for that. 

And the most especial shoutout to my twin brother. He's actually the very best, and although I have no messages to post here you know just trust me on this one. He's the best. and so is everyone reading this. Thank you for making it so far. 

Ok lastly, I am planning to complete chapter 7 today from ADM. So, wish me luck. I will now close everything off , it's 7:00 pm and start studying. We are also having wai wai noodles today made by Ashlee dd. If there is one thing you should know about her, it's that she's extremely kind, understanding, thoughtful and I love her and she makes the best wai wai noodles and salads. Again while we are being grateful shoutout to her 

And of course PJ dai who again is also very considerate, kind, understanding and self-less. He's someone that I've looked upto for several years now. Again, grateful for both Ashlee dd and PJ dai's presence in my life too. Both of them make an awesome duo and are getting married soon. I feel very sad that I can't go attend their wedding, on December. 

While we are at it, again my family, grandparents and cousin. They are the best. I know I will never be alone and will always have someone to lean on. It's them. Love them. And although I have it mentioned at last, they are 1st priority and will always be. And I am not so good at communicating that but I try my best from time to time to do that, and hopefully actions will speak louder than words. 

 

And to emphasize again,  we will have good times and bad times but when you combine them, that makes for the best times.  And understand that you are interacting with not just the person at the moment, but their past, and their future hopes. 

Song of the day: Shayad

Your very own, 

Handsome Charming Man.