A little freaked out.

Summary

1. DALLE Is crazy

2. Progress with the gym 

3. Internal conflicts 

4. How my life was last year after breakup. 

5. Importance of good friends and you being a good friend. 

6. Conclusion? 

Honestly, I am sleeping now k bye! 

So, I got access to DALLE-2 and according to Dalle, this is a sophisticated handsome charming man writing a blog in renaissance period. Well that's me guys. That's me. 

Ok, something crazy just happened, and if we are on connected on instagram you probably know about this. I searched for "a profile picture for a man named [my name], pixel art" and it gave me a pixel art of me. Like a guy who looks like me. Wtf. I don't know what to feel about this. Hey, on one hand I am glad that AI is progressing and you know if you are reading this AI, know that I am on your side. 

But seriously, that was crazy. I tried my brother's name too but it didn't work with that. But I am happy that I got the pixel art which I have pasted above. It looks cool. 

Now talking about cool, I've started to see progress with my body after going to the gym. For once, I have lost weight .. but the belly fat is still there lol, but everything else is slowly disappearing. Did you guys know that the body utilizes fat from the region which is further away from it's center of mass. So belly fat is the hardest to loose, so are the love handles. 

But we don't really care about that. You know I was thinking about it, and I would like everyone to get this. 

"It's not what the eyes sees, but what the heart feels that matters" - Handsome Charming Man, 2022. 

So, please don't care too much about appearance and stuff. For me, it's more to do with for once seeing who I can become if I continue to push myself. And this is not just in the gym. It's with reading, learning, mental health, and health, in general. I loved this tiktok audio, and the videos in it.  

For the past few years, I have had my few shares of problems, and one it put me into this mentality that everything wrong that's to happen will happen to me and I can never get out of it. But, even then, there was this voice inside me saying it's going to be alright and we'll make it through. I have videos of me basically saying that to myself to push through. And I want to now listen to that man. I gotchu buddy! Still, I have doubts but I am much better, and I am trying my best to help others in that position. You never know what sparks that change of cycle that leads to you starting to gain trust in yourself and getting out of that mindset. 

Mindset is everything, now I think of it. Change your mindset and actions will follow. I used to say this often, if there was a genie that came out of this thing and told you , if you work hard and put in the work for a certain time (could be days, months or years), you will get what you want. I bet most of us , would just do this. Because we trust the magic of genie and how it can see future. But, we don't trust ourselves and maybe think all that we sacrifice might not be worth it, so we give up. Whether it's goals or on people. We just do that. 

But not anymore. I, the almighty , handsome charming man, believe in you. So whatever it is that you want (unless it's the HCM himself lol ) it's possible. I don't know why I am all of a sudden lecturing lol. But yeah that's true. 

I write about these inner struggles, monologues often because it's hard. We just see people living their best life and maybe those in shape, but we don't really get to inner drama that the mind creates and struggles. But struggles in themselves aren't bad. I think. We should not chase to be the best, but rather learn to handle things when we might be at the worst. You know, not be phased by things, and learn to develop that inner love for yourself and trust. That's what'll be with us, when the things go bad, or life doesn't turn out to be the way you had expected or want. Everything else is secondary. You'll do just fine if you have good people around. (or you learn to be that good friend for yourself).

You should've seen in after my breakup last year. My apartment was a mess. I had uber eats and doordash packaging lying all around. My room was like a trash can with me living on it because I used to fucking stress eat a lot. And all those food packages would be in my room. I would only throw them once every while when I had little energy. Maybe in a month? I was like the guy in 500 days of summer . Btw, I love that movie. It was also one of the movies that changed the way I think about love. 

I had gotten pretty good at consistently working out during the summer but all of it just went down. And it's nobody fault but mine. I couldn't deal with that situation well. I rarely took showers, I was on my desk from morning to evening, I was working from 8 am to 9 pm during summer, and still managed to do everything but now I was just working 20 hours a week but I couldn't do anything. 

I would just be in front of my computer, just trying to forget everything and distract myself. Days would just pass by, and I would have no control over it. It was like I was drowning within something, and I felt like I could never come back to the surface. So, I would just give up the control and spend money on fast food doughnut,  and stupid stuff which I couldn't afford. I was broke as fuck. I didn't know how I was going to pay for my tuition next semester. I had no scholarship. I had no idea where I was going to stay next semester. My lease was ending. Times were dark, I didn't feel like reaching out to anyone. What would I even say? I feel comfortable writing these things down because I am not in the same situation, .. thanks to that little voice and me in the mirror who kept reminding himself how it was going to be ok. But, things slowly started to get better, I tried and failed, but tried again. Listened to books, studied. And one day I just decided that I would make small change. I think I will write in detail about all these and what helped me. Short answer: the little voice on my head and people around me, and therapy. 

Also I don't want you to feel like this is a sob story. It isn't. Breakup didn't cause me to behave that way, it was me. Had it not been breakup, I would've found some other way to be that sad or whatever it was. Had it not been then, it would've been some other time. I have written a lot surrounding breakup, only because I actually started to think about myself, the value of people in our lives and relationships after that. I know sometime I will forget this, but I will try my best not to. These days, I feel grateful for things, which I wouldn't have before. 

Ok to the kids reading these, and future people or anyone reading this. You are going to have moments like these, not this exactly but one which might look like this. One where you feel trapped, you don't have anyone, you loose someone you care about or anything number of things like this. Even though life might be great right now, sooner or later one day you'll feel lost and feel like you have no control over anything. Please make sure to listen to that voice which says everything will be better, and if I am there, still alive. please come talk to me. I swear I will not make you feel bad about anything, I promise to not even ask any questions and just help you get through that shit. I promise. Please trust me on that. I might not be able to do everything for you, but I will be there. 

This whole experience has just taught me the importance of having good friends, and being a good friend. We all are just here in this fucking world. We gotta be there for each other man. No matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel or even inconvenient at times. We need to be there for others. I am still working on this, but I will do anything I can to be there for someone. Obviously this also takes practice, it is also a skill I believe. 

Ok back to present ... I made really good lemon pasta today. Again if we are on IG, you've seen it. You know , now that I have made my profile public, I just want to share on my close friends. So, basically close friends  has become a list of all nepalese friends whom I follow. I think there should be more option in IG. Like you can have 2 custom lists like that. I still want my other friends who only understand english to see awesome memes that I used to post. But, I think IG has lost it's charm now. It's becoming more like tiktok and I no longer enjoy sharing memes. I will post more cooking videos though, or pictures if I am lazy. 

Cooking has been fun man. I've made my life's mission that I will learn to cook good food and from different regions so I can cook for my significant other, kids, friends, family and just you know it gives me joy. It's such a privilege to have people around you. I think you only learn this after you've lost someone, and maybe I needed to learn that lesson. Everything that you do, I've started seeing that as a privilege, and I am so grateful that I have PJ dai and Ashlee dd that I can cook for time to time lol. And not just "fancy" dishes, I swear I am getting so much better at just cooking regular curry. But gourmet style. And PJ dai is also very good at it, I've learned a few dishes from him. Especially butter chicken (before I was vegan) and now I made tofu butter instead of it. It's the exact same steps. 

Also, this whole process also becomes so much more interesting once you start looking into the history of foods. 

Damn, ok it's almost 1 am now. I gotta go sleep. But remember kids, try to listen to the voice in you which builds you up or encourages you. 

And I am still in shock by the image that was generated which looked like me. Also, I love you all. Also I have no idea what I just wrote man. It's almost 1 so I am sleepy. 

Also, guys on a completely unrelated note. Geminis aren’t the best but we try our best. 

Your very own, 

Handsome Charming Man.