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 That’s how much I lost moving to Canada apparently sucks to see that number. Not complaining (but also complaining) damn.  Plus all the connections friends family and everything also add the moving costs and settling in and stuff like that. Have to make the most of it and get more value than 100K in the first year.  Also mind you that this number just keeps on increasing as we progress. So have to go back asap 

 Here we go! Coming soon  A bit sad given the current circumstances but it is what it is.  Miss pookiee 

A simple touch - so profound I wished you knew the peace I found.

 I applied for our role in Canada today. Comes with a hefty tax of 45% and pay down by 30%. That’s one thing but also comes with a bit of freedom to travel outside. Not feel like I’m trapped in a country or something. So well worth it id say if I had to move.  This is a weird state to be in when I have my visa expired and on OPT. If I get H1B this year that’d be the best state for me to be in.  Also random though when someone holds your hands like tight expressing that they feel safe with you it’s whole another feeling haven’t felt that yet. Will never forget that.  Anyways that’s it for recent development. Also in path of getting promoted so I’m having to collect docs and do forth. Timelines for products are getting a bit tight. There’s some fun in that as well. I just want I have slow days that I spend with someone I like under the sun k park ma or whatever. 

The main objective of this post is to check these new keyboards from Lofree that i got. Love them! It sounds very creamy, that I want to just yk savor the sound.  The backspace key in particular sounds very nice and also its fun to type.  These days have been pretty chill, changed my decision again I might very well need to move to Canada. Not my first choice but better than staying here and studing + working at the same time. Mostly because I want to travel back home as well. And yk for the aspect of certainity in life as well. If I go to Canada at least I'll have my PR process started there and by the time I come back to US I will have something to fall back on.  Still have one more shot so hope I get that. I don't really ask god that much very few things, last year I wasn't that serious but when things are starting to get real you realize the importance of things. Already starting to miss Seattle a little. I am very very hopeful and feel like I will get it but yk have ...

 I am on-call on a new team that I joined this week. I just finished learning in a bit detail about their inputs / output sources and architecture in general. This week has been interesting. We got a COE (correction of errors) for a bad change that led to congestion in the network. I spent a bit of time diving into it, the change wasn’t that big, just splitting a job into small batches. But that led to 2 dataset within the same scope being produced at 2 different times, and there was a validation logic which filtered datasets by dates. This led to us doing the wrong thing. Who could have thought when pushing this change (not my change btw) that it’d have this side effect. We didn’t catch this via any test.  Now we had a holiday this week, so I am not sure if I was a bit lazy (i wasn’t) or there’s not enough time for on calls to handle other things. I haven’t been able to and even though I am not working, in the back of my mind, I know there’s work to be done and it would be be...

Just found this in my notes - thought I’d share.  One emotion seeks another to be 0. Let me explain.  Anger seeks apology / justice. If it never gets that it continues growing.  One emotion that helps all other emotions is acceptance, or forgiveness - both of which are very difficult.

 Most of what I write, including this one is unstructured feelings. I’ve never spent more than a couple of seconds thinking what I will be writing next. That brings its own set of pros and cons. Now, I am not going to bore you with SWOT analysis here, but one of the cons I think is that I have yet to form a cohesive writing. (Btw arsenal won today 5-2 super happy)  There is some beauty of a good piece of article, everything is balanced. The words are in perfect harmony with one another. Each building up space and story for the next. Like these words were made for each other. One’s position fits perfectly in the sentence, and as a part of the paragraph - further article. I don’t read a lot of books so I find it difficult to give writings justice. I should try to read more.  I like the idea that one should be good at 3 things. Reading, Writing and Speaking. Each of which helps you in any area of your life. I am trying to focus on the second one. Writing. I read few of my pr...

Waking up in the morning is fucking awesome. Just woke up at 5 and I feel like I’ve already completed day worth of work. It’s not even 9. Let this be a reminder to wake up early. 

From Blogging to AI and the Intricacies of Modern Relationships The Evolution of Personal Expression It's fascinating to reflect on how our modes of personal expression have evolved. There was a time when I'd regularly open my personal laptop, eagerly typing away on my blog. Now, the thought of accessing Blogger on my work device feels almost taboo. Yet, the urge to share persists. I've been blogging since childhood, a realization that never fails to amaze me. It's a testament to the enduring human need to document, to share, to leave a mark. In an interesting twist of technological progress, I now have a trained ChatGPT model that's becoming increasingly adept at mimicking my voice. To enhance its performance, I find myself doing regular "brain dumps" – a peculiar exercise in self-reflection and AI feeding. Why do I do this? Perhaps it's a uniquely human desire to see our thoughts externalized, to have a digital doppelganger of sorts. Or maybe it'...

 Holy fukcing shit, can’t even spell fucking correctly.  I might take tomorrow off, and reflect on a few things. For now it’s 1:20 am. Need to go to bed and sleep.  Goodnight. 

 A lot of people would die to be in your shoes, make the most of what you have. This realization has been hitting me hard recently. I will do more with what I have. I must right. This is just about anything good health mostly, ability to learn, talk speak, influence for good right, for others.  There's always this idea about what is good, who defines good and what good are we striving for, so thinking about that becomes a bit complex, but start small we'll figure it out along the way. Good health for instance is always nice, for me and others around me. Learning is always good, empathy is good I think these are things we can agree on. So, yk just figured that out lol while writing. See it helps. talk to yoyurself or write to yourself .  Ultimately, I believe it comes down to carefully examining our own conscience, staying intellectually humble and open to dialogue with others, and then acting with compassion and good intentions as best we understand them. We may never ach...

 I believe that we all are the same to some extend. Think I have a good way of putting this out so we all can understand. What are we excepts our thoughts? Nothing right. All actions are guided by our thoughts. You can have this exact same thought yourself. Say you think “I need to work out more”. Vs If I tell you “you should work out more”. Might feel like I am saying that you. Butttt what if you had this same thought yourself. Not different right? It’s just another entity telling you that. The core thought is the same, its just you put this image of me in it.  All our thoughts are guided by certain things that we believe in . If we change that, you will have different thoughts and way you think about it. But, its not that different right? Does that make sense? I think it does. Same thought, if you were thinking about it yourself, it becomes part of yourself. We are used to separate things and the origin of the thoughts.. Making it you vs me. Separate entities. But at core, t...

Took some time to figure out my guiding principles. As I am in the corporate world more, I have understood the benefits of these. If we don't have a clear way to think about things, and how we take decision, it becomes a little difficult. Just putting them here so I have them in the future, and also just they are here.  Pursuit of Mastery: Commit to lifelong learning and continuous improvement. Strive for mastery in your personal and professional life by setting high standards and seeking feedback. Ownership and Accountability: Take full responsibility for your actions and their outcomes. Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow and learn, and hold yourself accountable for meeting your commitments. Confident Autonomy: Trust in your abilities and judgment. Make decisions with confidence and conviction, while being open to new ideas and feedback. Assertive Communication: Express your thoughts, beliefs, and needs clearly and respectfully. Encourage open dialogue and ensure your...

  Rewatching 500 days of summer. I love this movie man. Can't recommend this enough to people. This movie, the plot , the scenes, the way that the guy thinks about love, it hits so close to home.  Just finished watching it again. Anyways, it's been a good day so far. It's almost 4 now. We are planning to have kheer today, which I am excited about. It's a little hot today, and I am sweating. I still have my morning coffee besides me lol. I have been learning to make latte art and today, I did manage to make the froth a bit better. You know ,the art is completely dependent on how to stem your milk, if it has too many bubbles then, its not that good. You want it exactly right where there's no too much froth and no bubbles.  I don't like drinking too much coffee, but I love making coffee. So, I am planning to practice making coffee by making them for my brother and sisters. If only I could wake up early man. Not if only, but will try to wake up early. It's like ...

  I don't know what to say this. But wait. Why is it that you feel so whole when you know there's someone loving you, and why is it so hard to find that sense of wholeness by just yourself.

Mostly I have problems being in a routine.It helps sometimes, but for the most part it isn't that helpful. I guess. But having a structure is beneficial. It's just that most of the time I just don't act on it. Because I feel like I won't be sticking long term with this. And also I feel like there will eventually be stuff that will derail me off of this planned time, causing me to fail this. And that makes me , things are outside my control and if I fail, it will seem like my fault and I don't want to have that. No-one will believe if I say that it wasn't my fault. I am remembering how even though it wasn't my fault, i would kinda get blamed for it as a child and I felt helpless. Like no-one understood that. So, it's better for me to just not stick to that and fail than to stick to it, and fail because of some external conditions. --> this doesn't make sense.  But yk .. it kinda does. Is this why I have not been sticking to a task for so long. I do...

Turns out I had this as draft. But why? Let's publish incomplete work / writings. Who cares?  Ok I love this girl. I had not thought about the Baudrillard's simulacrum and simulacra in this context, but now that I think about it, everything now is hyper-realized, with just not love but every aspect of our lives.  Also I added this video to the playlist that I think everyone should watch. Not just for "love" but for relationship in general which includes, family, friends, and basically understanding others. We often act like we know how to handle these stuff or just "love" but it is also a skill, i believe. we should learn how to love and maintain relationships.  This reminds of the videos of the school of life and Alain de bottom (who is the guy in the video below). I think everyone needs to watch this. at least once?  Full playlist: Relationship and Stuff Your very own,  Handsome Charming Man. 

This has to be one of the best movie ever. Just finished watching the movie balling my eyes. The final scene where he has to choose and says the last goodbye to his father. I wish I never have to do that. But I have to , my kids will have to. It's the nature of life. I get it.  Whatever it is that I am feeling, realizing, observing, so thankful for all of that. It's an experience. Utimilately, all of this. Just one big experience for all of us. So, best not to think of anything too much, just experience whatever it is.  I am doing well. I am sad a little because of our teammates is leaving the job. I cried last night after I heard that. He was one of the best people on the team. I loved him!! Hope one day I become as smart and as helpful as he was. Praying everything goes well at the startup he's trying to pursue. I am fucking crying as I write this. Will miss you at work man! It's sad never thought I would be this sad over a co-worker leaving a team who I didn't ev...

 I had not used my personal laptop in about a week. Turns out I had just left it open and now when I am using it it's at 3 percent lol. Also, it's really cold out here.  It's been about 3 weeks (if you count this week) that I am at my new job. I love it so far. Love the team and everyone in it.  I think I might be putting too much pressure on myself to understand each and everything thing on the system. It's complex, ngl. But I don't think it's too complex that it'll take me a while to understand the basics of how our product works. I do have a basic understanding. Now I just need to go in a layer deeper, and keep doing that until I get the system.  Personal life has been great as well. So, motu finally got married today and couldn't be more happy for her. I texted her. Bro, I get really confused about these things. In my mind it makes sense, but idk people say you shouldn't text or whatever. In my mind, she's still my friend and it'll not ch...