Let's talk

 I was reading my blogs and noticed that I swear too much. It's like when a kid first hears a "bad word" and keeps repeating that. But, I will be changing the way I write. I initially started writing after reading the book "Catcher in the Rye". That was probably the book that I read completely from start to finish. For those of you who don't know me I am not a reader. Or I was not a reader. I didn't use to read a lot of books and still don't. I am slowly starting to listen to audio books and read books on kindle.  Honestly, having a kindle has helped me a little. I try to read few pages before I go to sleep. But, what I mean to say is I don't think my blogs have provided much value to anyone, and I should probably start writing more blogs that do provide value. Where you learn something. So I will try to do that now. I'll keep you updated. 

 I discovered that you don't really need to do something to have something to feel successful or feel like you've achieved something. We all have dreams and things that we want to do, we feel like we'll be happy once we do that or feel satisfied. But, we all know we won't. Why is it so hard for us to feel happy or satisfied with ourselves. Why do we feel like we need to do something. Like it can be anything from pursing our dreams (I have serious doubt even if they are real, feel like everything was just implanted upon us, but that's for some later time), or doing something, buying something and plenty of other stuff... you know what I mean.  It is very difficult for us to just be happy, and accept who we are or what we have done. I was feeling like I haven't done anything yet... yada yada. Should I be doing something.. does my work provide me my self respect, or value, or satisfaction? As much as I think it doesn't.. it is very hard for me to accept that.. ...

 Most of the people my age, wish they could be kids again. It's like people want to be young again because that's the only time they thought they were happy? Idk, maybe because I never really grew up lol, I don't see much of a difference expect now that I have to work. And... most of my friends are now adults.. or even better word "act like adults".  Once you grow up, there'll be things that kids can do, and other adults should do. It's all societal things. Like for eg, when a kid says the truth (even if it is mean) its cute but when I said something that was true I was being inconsiderate? Like wtf? It's as if we are forcing each other to "grow up" and then are miserable and everyone wants to be kids again. The whole thing doesn't make sense.  I wanted to go back to being kid so bad, but I realized how my childhood was so I would rather not lol. I mean it was good and all, but I couldn't do a lot of stuff which I can do now. If you k...

Yeah I used to be one of those people saying "Yeah! Fuck Society". I still say that time to time but I have changed my mind a little bit. Society is important. Love society. We wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for Society. So yeah society. Here's for the evolution that you helped happen.           (Source:  https://notablelife.com/media/2016/01/wine1.jpg) Oh sorry my bad. Not everyone drinks wine.  (Source: http://loniemae.blogspot.com/2011/04/milk-glass-mugs.html) I came to think of it any almost everyone hates each other. We all are a part of society. When someone says "Fuck Society!" they are also telling you "Fuck you!". I am pretty sure a lot of us feel like society is wrong and blah blah but not really. Not really. It's just you. Everything is about you and how you to choose to think. Society thinks that I am dumb. Yeah they are probably right. But it's ok being dumb sometimes. Society says that I shouldn't write dumb blogs...

 So I was browsing reddit and saw these compilations of dads being badass like saving their kids and shit. And now I am thinking if I am ready to be a dad and if I want kids. And heck yeah I do. But, Idk man for the next 4,5 I'll train to be a dad. I saw one video where this dude fought with a wolf. If I want to be a dad I should be able to fight these wolves. So, unless I become a greek god, now I can't have kids. But also it's cute to be a dad. I think. Kids are cute. Love kids. Man, I should stop watching these videos. Or I should watch them even more idk. The point is the real metric to know whether or not you're ready to be a dad if you can fight a wolf. 

I am so good with titles tbh I love myself.   But man, there's something about startups that I freaking love. It's the raw enthusiasm and energy, unexpectedness, success, failure, struggles... All of it. I want to experience that too. And at the end fucking build something that provides value for millions of people. How fucking cool would that be? The answer is a lot.  Anyways, I guess I have to put it in writing now because I've told myself millions of times (don't try to calculate please..mathematically its possible. I might be lying but its possible. 765158400 seconds have passed since I was born. and being the genius I am I actually started telling myself about this since I was born. So, actually its more than a million).  And see this happens. What exactly happened in the 3 rd paragraph. I get distracted. I fucking get distracted. I really need to stick to something. Gotta resolve this ADHD. Or best, get tested for ADHD lol. Anyways, the point is I've been ...

We've come too far, we've lost where we began What we think was our's , is not here but left beneath The spark we see, is just for a while The song we dance, and the lips that smile We don't don't know what we are Yet, carried by the wise The world doesn't need him Who left his voice We speak our footsteps In the bblind side We write without knowing what's written Just to write Think you're happy, Statisfaction or compermise? I know we can, but why are you afraid to try You left that voice, now it's lost You used to cry and fight for a single kite But why are you backing up , when you know the kite now is life? Do you wish to stay like this Adding fear to the years you pass How should i find, the lost Years of smokeI will win The day i find that child

  There's this new song that's going viral on tiktok. It's not a song actually, but sound.  https://www.tiktok.com/music/wasted-potential-6843245816673585921?lang=en It's this sound. I've always thought myself highly and I underestimate myself too badly. It's the weird combination. I believe I can do and achieve whatever I set my mind to, but at the same time don't think I am capable of achieving anything great. To be honest, I feel like I am afraid of loosing this self-confidence that "I can do whatever I want to" if I actually try. So, I don't try at all. Well, I try, see some progress, but I think I can't possibly achieve what I am trying to achieve so I quit.  I've noticed that pattern for too long and it sucks. To be honest, I intentionally try to sabotage? I don't know man. Gotta see a therapist.  (Written few months ago. I'm just going through my drafts and publishing them)