Breakup

For a while, I used to think falling in love was useless. I thought that at some point we would break up. We both would be left with tears. I would not be able to wake up from my bed. Spend most of my time thinking about you- about the mistakes I made. I'd keep scrolling our pictures for hours, text you a thousand times wondering when I made a mistake and think about a million different ways that I could’ve made things right. Probably, you’d feel the same except the “text you a thousand times” part. I totally made that up. I would never do that. N-cell is expensive and we both are poor - at least I am.

But... back to the point of breaking up. When I think of it now. Breaking up with you wouldn't be that bad. Because at some point, I will get to fall in love with you. Think about you most of the time. I will probably start dressing nice and groom my hair.  I will look at the mirror multiple times a day and see you every time I close my eyes. I will probably feel scared to talk to you, and finally when I do- I will be the happiest man on earth. I will write about you in my journal too. Not that I write journals, but I will definitely start writing one because I want to remember how you make me feel every single day.

At some point, you may think about me too. I am not sure how I would make you feel but - I being the handsome charming man- maybe you'll want to get to know me too. We probably will spend most of the time together, share things that we’ve never shared with anyone before. We'll get closer and at some point, I will start having feelings for you. Question myself if you feel the same. But things would work out and I would gather enough courage to ask you out... and maybe, we will fall in love.

The world around us would then change for good. I will start feeling the butterflies that I never knew existed in my belly. I will begin noticing small things. Red roses would remind me of you.  The stars at night won't look dull anymore. Getting a text from you will light up my day. Meeting you, holding your hands, and looking into your eyes will make me forget all my problems. I might even start crying after watching a romantic movie. Who knows? But... things will be perfect. I will be happy. We will be happy. 

But, if breaking up was inevitable, everything would eventually fall apart. For some reason, we will start losing interest in one another. We will argue, fight and cry with one another. We both want this to work so I will try my best to make you stay. But I will not be able to express how sorry I am and how much you mean to me. Nothing will work. We will both stop talking to one another. We will be hurt, cry to fall asleep but will try and act tough. The whole thing will be bad. But, holding on to each other will only make us feel worse. 

Eventually, days will pass. You’ll probably move on. Maybe even meet someone new. You probably wouldn't recognize me in the streets anymore. Life would be dull again. But in the darkest days, your memories would fall upon me like rain, drench me softly and remind me of the times when we were together. I would then think about you- remember the first time I talked to you, the first time I held you in my arms, and the time I told you how much you meant to me. Remembering you would obviously make me sad but will help me bring a smile to my face.